I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Randomize
