My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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