either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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