U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
