Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
