I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
