I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
