i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
