I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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