How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize