dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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