Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
