I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
PANTIES FOUND
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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