it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
