at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize