I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
