You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
