My first STD was from a foam party
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
