'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
