nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
