I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize