my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
