marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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