I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
