she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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