Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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