I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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