living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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