You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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