too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
