Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
