ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
