We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
