Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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