He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
