I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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