why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
