it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
