bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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