those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
