My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
