My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
