She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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