the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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