I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
