you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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