We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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