she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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