She went from zero to smokin in five shots
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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