Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
