On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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