I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize