The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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