He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
