Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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