She announced her abortion via fbk
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
