found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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