i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
