Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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