we have pet lesbian snakes
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How naked do you want me to be?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
