The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Come on in and take your pants off
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
