remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize