I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
