All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
