i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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