I am puke
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
