Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
