hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
