what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize